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Digs have recently uncovered previously unknown evidence showing that every medieval city of any size had a group of misfits who banded together and created what appeared to be a leisure activity that consisted of “living in” an imaginary society on their feast days. A team of archaeologists found evidence that it was referred to it as the “Future as it should be”. Knights, Pirates, Abbesses, and Dung Merchants escaped their ordinary medieval existence by making up “personas” from the future. In their minds they became such characters as Army Generals, Drug Kingpins, Movie Stars, and CEOs.
Well-preserved remains of clothing were particularly notable. The young wore inexplicably baggy, indigo blue hose drooping under their buttocks. Starvation or the plague, which reduced body weight to 105 pounds or less, was a popular choice for many young women who were able to craft clothing from ¾ a yard of fabric. Older participants also discarded their smalls and chemises. Artifacts showed kyrtles had been cut up often with 3-4 outfits re-constructed from one medieval garment. The women sawed the toe block from their pattens, but the heel block was left attached. These tilted versions were walked in somehow. For menswear, peasant leggings were adapted and made even more colorless and uncomfortable.
Some of the people in these groups specialized in creating future foods. Documents suggest that they removed all flavor and nutrition from existing food and replaced them with sugar, salt, and animal fat. A Scottish Cathedral with great “Golden Arches” appeared to be the food-clearing house. This Cathedral distributed their foodstuffs far and wide, making the identical “meal deals“, as they called it, available in areas as distant from each other as Palestine, Londinium, or Berka.
However, by far, the most popular and noticeable activity was what they called “whacking”. Hundreds of artifacts of tiny crossbows with arrows made from rattan twigs were found. Archaeologists say the crossbows must have given an uncomfortable ‘whack’ but not hard enough to kill. It is theorized that these crossbows were hidden inside the clothing, then pulled out and shot at others for some real or imagined slight; or when purchasing packages of oregano from one another. This “Whacking” was the mainstay of their weekends. Inordinate amounts of time must have been spent in this activity. Evidence from one site indicated that every four years a spectacular event decided the leader of the group. “Whacking” was profuse during this time until one individual had successfully beat all the competition . This individual would then preside for four years. Skeletal remains show the survivior took so many crossbow whacks to his or her head it became quite dented. It is theorized this is why they were referred to as the “Preside-dent” a term often shortened for ease of statement.
Archaeologists were preparing a preliminary report for the local authority. They will ask for more time to assess the sites, believing them to be quite numerous.
Well-preserved remains of clothing were particularly notable. The young wore inexplicably baggy, indigo blue hose drooping under their buttocks. Starvation or the plague, which reduced body weight to 105 pounds or less, was a popular choice for many young women who were able to craft clothing from ¾ a yard of fabric. Older participants also discarded their smalls and chemises. Artifacts showed kyrtles had been cut up often with 3-4 outfits re-constructed from one medieval garment. The women sawed the toe block from their pattens, but the heel block was left attached. These tilted versions were walked in somehow. For menswear, peasant leggings were adapted and made even more colorless and uncomfortable.
Some of the people in these groups specialized in creating future foods. Documents suggest that they removed all flavor and nutrition from existing food and replaced them with sugar, salt, and animal fat. A Scottish Cathedral with great “Golden Arches” appeared to be the food-clearing house. This Cathedral distributed their foodstuffs far and wide, making the identical “meal deals“, as they called it, available in areas as distant from each other as Palestine, Londinium, or Berka.
However, by far, the most popular and noticeable activity was what they called “whacking”. Hundreds of artifacts of tiny crossbows with arrows made from rattan twigs were found. Archaeologists say the crossbows must have given an uncomfortable ‘whack’ but not hard enough to kill. It is theorized that these crossbows were hidden inside the clothing, then pulled out and shot at others for some real or imagined slight; or when purchasing packages of oregano from one another. This “Whacking” was the mainstay of their weekends. Inordinate amounts of time must have been spent in this activity. Evidence from one site indicated that every four years a spectacular event decided the leader of the group. “Whacking” was profuse during this time until one individual had successfully beat all the competition . This individual would then preside for four years. Skeletal remains show the survivior took so many crossbow whacks to his or her head it became quite dented. It is theorized this is why they were referred to as the “Preside-dent” a term often shortened for ease of statement.
Archaeologists were preparing a preliminary report for the local authority. They will ask for more time to assess the sites, believing them to be quite numerous.
